Wisdom

Please teach me
how to see distinctly

grant me wisdom
to see the truth

cause I'm so blind
like Samson on Delilah's hand
cause I'm so weak
like King David in front of Betseba
(like Samson Betawi without armpit (bulu ketiak) hehehe...)

so many things to be learned
so many words to digest
so many problems to solve
so many kind of creature to face
so many works to be done

when a brain is not that sharp to analyze everything
all you need is a heart and mind
and wisdom from above
like King Solomon
between two women who fought for a baby

so teach me, God...
and let me pass the lesson.

Still ...

This man sitting in front of me.
We're having dinner.
Or, you may call it supper, more exactly.
He said he's starving, and I'm hungry.
That's the closest place we can get.
Not a romantic place.
Not even air conditioned room.
Only a small, crowded, a little bit dirty place, close to the road.

He asked me, how's my day.
I said it's getting bad, the job is getting crazy, the client is getting more annoying.
I sighed that the room is hot, and I tied up my hair.
I said I need tissue and he called the waiter quickly.
He asked me about the kids at home which I checked by phone everyday.
And we laughed while talking about them.
Then I said my drink is too hot, I need ice, and he called the waiter promptly.
So I drank my lemon juice.
For a moment we're both silent.
It suddenly reminds me our first date in Sudirman area
long time ago.

Still the same.
He still the same guy, who cares a lot.
We're married years ago.
And still feel the same way.
That I cant live a single day without him.

Night is getting darker when we're walking to the parking lot.
I still feel the hot weather.
I still feel the bad day.
But,
I still feel as the happiest person in the world
while we're on the way home.

Unconditionally

Hanya Engkau
Yang bisa
Menerima semua cacat-celaku
Membuka tangan untuk semua rapor merahku
Menutup mata untuk semua kepalsuan dan kemunafikanku
Membuka pintu untuk tubuh teler fana dan aroma kemabukan duniawiku

Ampunilah…
For so many times I tried to cheat You
Over and over I tried to ignore You
Tak bosan-bosan kucoba menguji cintaMu

I pretend You’re not there
I treat You like You’re nobody to me
I don’t call or say Your name
I even mengingkari namaMu
I pretend You don’t know what I’m doing
I pretend that I’m not Yours

The disgusting me

mengkhianatiMu
sungguh memicu adrenalin
menarik, menantang dan melenakan

menyakiti hatiMu
sungguh mudah, mulus dan tanpa hambatan
sungguh manis dan meninabobokan

menduakanMu
sungguh menggoda dan menggiurkan

sebab Engkau
sungguh baik
terlalu baik
sungguh setia
terlalu setia
sungguh mencinta
terlalu mencinta
tak layak bagi manusia bejat sepertiku
too much for
a wretch like me.

You never even ask,
’How dare you did this to Me?’
‘Why did you do this to Me?’
‘What else in the world I wouldn’t do for you to cause you do such things to Me?’

But You’re silent.
Keep silent.
Still silent.

Yet
I saw You’re crying.
I know You’re crying.
I heard You’re crying.
I believe You’re crying.
I feel You’re crying.

What are You crying for?
Me?
What am I to You?
Am I that special to You?
Why?
Why do you love me that much?
So much that I sometimes couldn’t understand with my idiot brain?
Why?

Just know, You said
Just know,
That I love you.
That’s all you need to know.

Only You
Could love me
Unconditionally.
Tak bersyarat.

How am I ever gonna runaway from You again?

Dating

Yesterday, helena was sick, so when I said I'll go shopping without her, she protested.
"I wanna come," she said.
"No, you get some rest, its only Mom and Pap will go." I said.
"Why only both of you? Are you going to have a date?" she asked.
Me and the maids were laughing instantly.
"Yeah, that's a good idea, since you were born, we almost never dated again," I answered.

Then Helena go to find her Dad sleeping and awakened him.
"Pap, go have a date with Mom, hurry! Wake up!" she said.
"What...?" answered Dad still sleepy.
"Go shopping with Mom, both of you, like a date." said Helena.
And later Pap woke up.
"So, you're not coming with us?' teased Dad to helena.
"No, go both of you, have a nice date." answered Helena.
She acted like a mature person who understand the situation well.
Pap and me were laughing all the way.

When we returned at night, she already welcome us in front of the door.
"How's the date?" she asked.
Hahaha, I cant help laughing to watched her style in asking that question. she can make me forget that she's just 5 years old! her action just like a big girl, just like my Mom, OMG! hahaha...

Last week, in 'the sunday school', she learned this song.
"Nabi Nuh dan istrinya, tiga anak lakinya, tiga anak mantunya, masuk dalam bahtera, lalu hujan turunlah, hujan lebaY turunlah, hujan lebaY turunlah, delapan orang selamat."

"I can count well, Mom," she showed off to me. "They're 8 persons on the ship."
"Yes, but your song is uncorrect a bit, It's hujan lebaT, not lebaY." I corrected, but she insisted to use that word, LEBAY.
"Do you know what LEBAY means?" I asked while holding my smile back.
"Hujan LEBAY turunlah," she answered while singing, ignoring me.
"It's LEBAT, Honey, not LEBAY," I repeated.
"LEBAY sounds more fun, Mama," she answered, and I gave up. Its sounds funny, actually.
"Just dont sing like that in the church," I said.

Lebay oh lebay...
My daughter oh my daughter...
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