But You Are Not

when other man is looking for money
you are not
when others looking for fame
you are not
when others looking for prestige
you are not
when others looking for crown
you are not.

for others, talk is cheap
but you are not

your silence is gold
your smile is wisdom
your words is courage
your action is example

you're different
and I love you so.

when others put their eyes on this material world
you are not.
you only have eyes for His glory.

and that's what I love most about you.

(for my love of a lifetime, MARTUA)

Want a big brother

Suddenly, Helena said this:
"Mom, it's better if Evan born before me, I want a big brother, not younger."
"Why?" I asked.
"My friends had big brothers and it looks great. I wanna be a younger sister, not the oldest one."
This is remind me of my textbook in campus, the story about a little girl in japan who wants to be a younger sister, not the oldest.
Then I said, "You have lots of big brothers, your cousins, rite?"
"Still different," she said.
And I dont know what else to say.
She's right anyway, I agree with her.
Being a youngest in my family, I feel so great and enjoy to have bigger brothers and sisters.
But soon, I hope, she will understand, that all the things are happens for a reason.
And there should be good reason, kid!

Enjoy being 'boru panggoaran', honey!

Salon gratis gue

-story 1-

Berhubung sebagai orangtua yang punya semacam keinginan unik untuk jadi orang pertama yang memotong rambut anak sendiri, terjadilah hal di bawah ini.

Dulu, rambut helena, anak gue yg pertama, pertama kali dipotong oleh gue dan suami secara berkolaborasi, dan hasilnya...? Yah gitu deh.
Pernah waktu kita lagi nunggu di ruang tunggu Hospital Cinere pas mau imunisasi, ada bule di sebelah gue bilang gini :"How old your son?"
Gubrakkkk!!!
"Ah, she's a girl, I'm sorry," kata dia buru2, begitu ngeliat anting di kuping Helena.
Itulah saking pangkasan rambut yang kami lakukan padanya!

Nah. Sejak lahir, kan rambut anak gue yg kedua, Evan, belum pernah dipotong tuh, sampe ultah yg pertama, kecuali potongan secara simbolik dari tulangnya waktu ngasi ulos.
Nah, berhubung udah panjang dan gue belum sempat bawa ke salon, dan berhubung bapaknya gak sempet mulu, suami gue suruh gue gunting aja. Mundur2 terus tuh sampe akhirnya suatu hari sabtu, gue lagi gak ada kerjaan. Nah, gue pikir ini mungkin saat yg tepat.
Sebenarnya gue kan takut potong rambutnya, soalnya gue gak pede urusan cukur-mencukur. tapi gue pikir harus dipotong. Ya dipotonglah. The worst case, kalau ancur, ntar bawa ke salon.
Nah, pas mau potong, mendadak gue kayak demam panggung gitu.
Helena aja gue cuma berani potong poni, itupun suka nggak rata, dan akhirnya ke salon juga.
Nah akhirnya gue potong, dengan modal sok pede aja.

Pas guntingan pertama aja, udah kayak gigitan tikus.
Ditambah Evan kan gak mau diem tuh, pas gue gunting "sreeeettt", dia menoleh, langsung miring deh tuh guntingan gue, trus para pembantu gue ngakak,
gue minta pembokat gue megangin dia lagi biar diem, trus gue gunting lagi rambutnya, sreeeetttt! eh dia menggeleng lagi, miring lagi tuh rambut. kali ini helena juga ikutan ngakak.

"Wah gawat nih, rambutmu udah compang-camping gini, dek," gue bilang. ini harus beres sebelum papa pulang ktr, otherwise nambah lagi satu org di rumah yg akan menertawakan gue. dan jgn sampe ntar oppungnya stop by dan melihat model rambut evan, bisa gawat ! hehehe.

nah dgn pertimbangan drpd makin ancur tuh potongan rambut anak gue yg ganteng itu, akhirnya gue putuskan menunggu evan tidur aja dulu, biar gak gerak2 pas gue gunting rambutnya. walah, udah kayak kisah samson, tunggu tidur dulu biar dicukur. jadi proses pencukuran ini berlangsung sejak jam 8 pagi sampe hampir jam 12.

nah evan udah tidur nih, trus gue siap2 dong mau nyukur lagi.
gue taruh gunting di kepalanya, dan gue siap2 menggerakkan gunting.
baru aja mau gunting, tiba2 kepala evan gerak!
refleks gue tarik tuh gunting. serem juga kalo sampe dia kena gunting dan terluka.
gue tunggu lagi sampe dia terlihat lelap.
gue coba gunting lagi.
eh, kepalanya gerak lagi!
waduh, evaaaannnn... (gue mulai desperate)...
kalo gerak2 terus kapan kelarnya mama gunting rambutmu, Nak?!

Akhirnya gue nemu cara baru (ceileee...).
gue gunting tanpa pake sisir, jd dia gak berasa ada sesuatu yg nempel di kepala.
dan bener, dia diam aja.
dan gue pun cepat2 gunting sana-sini. CRET SRET SROT SRET...
gaya gue udah kayak helena aja guntang-gunting kertas, tanpa pola.
pas gue miringin kepala evan untuk gunting bagian kapala sebelahnya, pembokat2 gue ngakak lagi.
oke deh, emang masih berantakan, mbak. tenang aja deh...

nah gue cukur lagi bagian kepala sebelahnya. cret sret srot srettttt...
beres.
gue amati dulu hasil cukuran gue. Evan masih tidur. gue foto bentar, ntar buat kenang2an.
pembokat2 gue masih ngakak.
helena juga bingung. "Kok jadi gitu sih Ma rambut adek...?"
Sejurus gue pun tersadar bahwa emang mungkin gue gak berbakat jadi tukang salon.

Tapi kan bukan gue kalo give up secepat itu.
Gue potong lagi, gue cukur lagi, gue gunting lagi. Sampe udah tipis. yang penting tidak sampe botak dah.
Bahkan gue bikin sebentuk garis di atas kuping, gaya cowok2 keren yg suka terlihat di MTV tuh. Nah, so far gue udah cukup puaslah dgn hasil potongan gue.
Pembantu2 gue udah nggak ngakak2 lagi, tapi masih senyum2 tertahan.
"Gimana, udah rapi belum?" gue tanya.
Nggak ada yg berani jawab.
Gawat. Gue jadi nggak pede.

Gue potong lagi, sampe udah tinggal setengah centi kali tuh rambut evan. Ceritanya gue makin bikin gaya crew cut, model Tom Cruise waktu main di film 'Born on 4th of July' (???).
Dan gue pun berhenti pas udah sadar bahwa rambut evan udah gak cukup panjang lagi untuk dipotong.
"Cukup, kali Bu," kata pembokat gue. Akhirnyaaaa. Mungkin dia takut kalo sampe Evan gue bikin plontos.

Nah, baru aja kelar gunting2, tiba2 yg gue kuatirkan pun terjadilah!!!
Tiba-tiba mertua dan adek ipar gue muncul di depan rumah, terdengar manggil2.
"Helenaaaaaaaaa. Evaaaaaaannnnnnnn...."
"Oppung!!" jerit Helena sambil buka pintu.
"Halo Helena. Halo Evan. Lha,....! Rambutnya kenapAAAA?!" tanya mertua gue begitu melihat evan.
Pembokat2 gue pada ngakak lagi.
Gue speechless.
"Kenapa nggak dibawa ke salon aja?" tambah mertua gue lagi setelah melihat gunting di tangan gue dan bekas potongan rambut evan di lantai.
"Ah, tapi nggak apa-apa kok, emang model rambut cowok ada yang model begini kok," kata mertua lagi setelah meneliti rambut Evan secara seksama. Pasti yang dimaksud adalah garis yang gue bentuk di atas kuping. "Nah gini dong, mendingan gini drpd kemaren, anak cowok emang rambutnya mesti pendek."

Gue lega, dikit.
Sorenya Papa pun pulang kantor.
Gue diam aja sebelum mendengar komentar doi.
Ternyata, "Bagus kok," kata bekas pacar gue itu.
Iya iyalah, kalo dikritik bisa loe bayangin kan apa yg akan terjadi, hehehe..

Nah besoknya kita ke rumah adik ipar gue, arisan.
Semua orang langsung ngeliat dong rambut Evan yang tadinya gondrong mendadak pendek!
Ipar gue yg cowok bilang gini, "Rambut Evan dipotong di salon anak2 ya, Inang bao?"
Hahaha... gue ngakak. "Kayak dipotong di salon ya?"gue tanya, pura2.
Yang lain juga nanya hal yg sama.
"Itu potongnya di salon Mama Helena," gue jawab sambil ngakak.
Akhirnya ada juga yg menganggap hasil cukuran gue 'made in salon', hahahaha...
Not bad, not bad.

So... Ada yang mau gue cukur gratis???
Tapi mungkin mesti kayak Samson ya, dicukur sembari tidur, hahahaha...
Serasa Delilah deh gue....


-story two-

Kemarin di pesta, sambil nungguin helena boker di toilet, helena nanya gini:
"Orang miskin itu duitnya dikit ya Ma?"
Iya, gue jawab.
"Kalo orang kaya, duitnya banyak?"
Iya, gue blg.
"Kalo kita, miskin apa kaya?" tanya helen lagi.
Ehmmm, sedang, jawab gue. nggak tega bilang miskin, hehehe.
"Sedang itu artinya apa, Ma?"
Gue agak malas jelasin, tp helena langsung jawab sendiri.
"Sedang itu kalo miskin digabung sama kaya ya, Ma?"
"Iya," gue setuju saja. "Udah belum, bokernya?"
"Kenapa kita sedang, Ma? kenapa tidak kaya aja?" tanya helen lagi..
Ampun deh.
Pluk pluk pluk. Bunyi pup helen terdengar lagi.
Gue memencet flush.
"Mama cantik deh," kata helen.
"Iya, iya, ayo cepetan bokernya," jawab gue.
"Ma, kapan dong kita ke ancol?"
Ya elaaaa... anak gue ini.
Ada-ada aja....

KUTUNGGU

menunggu
me-nung-gu
m-e-n-u-n-g-g-u

hingga merah berubah jingga
hingga darah berubah ungu
hingga nanah berubah pekat
hingga luka berubah hitam

menunggu
bagai tetesan air di pasir gurun
bagai kafilah terhadap oase

menunggu
walau sungguh
rapuh
trenyuh
dan terjatuh

akan kutunggu
hingga kutahu
itu semua bukan hanya
sebuah
fatamorgana.

Bapaknya Papa

I dont remember exactly,
entah sejak kapan, maybe an year ago, sejak ngerti sedikit soal 'silsilah' keluarga,
helena likes to say this kind of sentence.

Seperti tadi, pas telpon bunyi, Helen angkat dan ternyata dari oppung doli-nya, dan kita dengar dia bilang di telpon:
"Ya oppung? Iya, udah pulang. Oppung mau ngomong apa?"
Me and hubby stared each other and smiled.

and then Helena called, "Pap, telepon nih, dari bapaknya Papa."
And the Papa pick the phone up, and said, "OK."

Good news! Ada sodara dari Papua datang bawa duren, dan kita disuruh datang untuk ngambil! Cihuy! Sering2 aja.
Soon after that, Helen and Pap went on foot to her grandpa home, and brought back the duren.
Nyam nyam nyam... So tasty. So smelly, hehehe,,,

Once, when we're in the church, I asked helen to go forward to ask car key to her papa during sunday service.
"Ah, Mama aja yang minta kan itu pacar Mama," helen said.

Pernah juga, pas oppungnya main ke rumah dan kita suruh helen antar sampai gerbang, helen said, "Papa aja yang antar, Papa kan anaknya oppung."

Hahaha...

Yang agak 'critical' dengan helen adalah, jika dia kritis yg menyangkut soal fisik.
Pernah dia bilang gini ke oppung boru-nya:
"Kok hidung oppung pesek sih, padahal hidung aku sama Papa kan mancung, padahal kan oppung kan mamanya Papa."

Nah kalo udah soal itu, gua gak ikut2 deh.
Speechless...

Note: Oppung doli=kakek, oppung boru=nenek

(-:

Blackberry? No, thanks!

When Helena celebrated her 5th birthday, I asked her, what kind of present she expected. She said, handphone.
No, I said. You're too small to have your own cellphone.
Then her Pap planned to buy CDMA phone for his personal, and it crossed to my mind to buy helena one, because the price is low, and communicating between the CDMA is free of charge. But I dont buy it yet. Maybe later.

And then we go to ITC, (also one of the maid wanted to buy new handphone for herself). We saw several types of HP and once my hubby said, "Look, blackberry's price decreased already, dont u wanna buy?"
I answered, "No."
Why?
Why should I? I dont really need it.

Three functions I needed most in a cellphone are:
1. Communication
2. Camera/Video
3. Radio/Music

I heard Blackberry type is not reccomended for picture quality. And for email, I'm able to be online at home and office anytime. So why should I use blackberry, just because it's now happening? Furthermore, I use public transportation everyday, and once lost my HP, stolen by the thief on the bus. I dont wanna lose any expensive HP nomore.
Such a waste.

Next week Helena's school will be on vacation. From long time ago, Helena already asked to go to the beach or waterboom.
I said waterboom is too big for her, and we'll find the smaller one.
She protested, "But, Mom, You or Papa can hold me while sliding, rite?"
"Yes, but the water is too deep. I cant swim, you know."
She was just knitting her face, tried to understand.
I know she is just too excited because she watched the advertisement of disneyland too much on the television.

Talking about swimming, last time when we're on the swimming pool at the housing area, I was a little bit surprised to realize that I was the only mature woman who wore swimming suit, I mean, the "open" clothes. I saw that other women even wore the closed "moslem" swimming suits, no wonder the expatriates alias bule2 gendut who's swimming with us keep on looking at me. Or it's just my feeling, hahaha...
Tau gitu gue pake celana pendek sama tank top aja deh, hehehe. Rugi rasanya 'buka2an' di depan umum, sendirian pula, udah kayak exhibition...

Yesterday, is the first time helena put her signature, on the registration of her next class. She was so excited and proud and happy to do the signature, like she were a big and important person, hahaha... "Mana, Ma, dimana aku tanda tangannya...?" she asked. She put her signature, which is her name written in small character. So amusing.

And guess what, on the registration form, there's a column to be filled:
'Student's cellphone number'.
Hah! So intimidating. No wonder Helena asked me to buy her HP, since her friends already had.
Come on, she's just five years old...!

What a circumstance influence!

Promise to a kid

Helena said, one day,
"Mom, 'RET' means merah, also means tikus. Why does it have to be same word?"
"Same reading way but different writing," I answered. "RED and RAT."

And yesterday, when I came home late, I found her slept and her body was warm.
I called her few hours before and also asked the maid what's a matter, and the maid said nothing happened.
I believe something has happened that made her body suddenly hot, and finally guessed maybe it's just because of the hard rain today.
Then I gave her medicine, changed her clothes, and wrapped her with blanket.

She felt better, not so long after that, and she said wanna watch TV while waiting Pap come home, there's Barney show.
Helena then told me that tomorrow she will be a leader for UPACARA sekolah, as a conductor for Indonesia Raya song and PANCASILA reading.
She even surprised me by mentioning the five pasal of Pancasila exactly! she memorize it well! WOW.

Then, there's a confession. Unexpectedly.
"Mom, will u promise not to be angry if I tell you the truth, that I was playing in Hana's swimming pool this afternoon."
Oh. I knew it. No wonder she got cold suddenly, since, when I called her in the afternoon, she was just fine and cheer up. I thought she played under the rain.
"I promise. But promise me not to do such things nomore, ok?" I replied. "See, when you do something like that, it's bad, and you became sick. After all, please be honest to tell me everything ok? Please ask my permittion before going out, or do something risky, ok?"
"OK, Mom," she said, relief. "And please dont tell Papa, ok?"
I said OK. And then she went to bed.
Few hours later, Pap is came home, and I told him all.
"Please dont tell her about this, somehow she told me honestly," I said.
Pap is just laughed.

But this morning, when I was taking bath, I heard Pap voice from outside of the room.
"Helen, I heard that yesterday you played on water, is that true?"
And I panicly yell out from the bathroom. "PAAAP, DONT TALK ABOUT THAT, PLEASEEEE!!!!"

And after that I hear no more my hubby's voice talking 'bout that matter. He might be only keceplosan. How could he forgot my word last nite. I am afraid it will make Helen dont trust me nomore.
Then I heard my hubby said, "Mom said that today you'll lead the kids in upacara bendera. I wanna hear about pancasila, can you mention them to me?"
And reliefly I heard Helena mentioned Pancasila's and rehearsed the way that she will become a conductor.
Even I can't see from the bathroom, I can imagine her gesture, she just swaying her hands up and down like a fan.
Hahaha.

Moral of the story is, please keep your promise, even to a child!